Euphoria is the latest HBO show that’s sure to turn into a cult classic. It’s dark and brilliant and sad and inspiring. The show follows a group of high school students, each of their stories narrated by Rue (Zendaya). I graduated from grade school a decade ago so I was skeptical about being able to relate to a show about Gen Z kids. But that’s exactly where HBO writers got it write.
Rue is a recovering addict who is actively living through the side effects of addiction- deteriorating mental health, strained relationships and of course the ever-present temptation of relapsing. In episode 7, Rue finds herself in a deep, deep depression.
The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed.
What a title.
Depression collapses time. During the episode, Rue binge watched 22 episodes of a television show. I can measure my depression similarly. Before my official diagnosis, I watched Grey’s Anatomy on dvd for 4 days straight. I missed a week of college classes because I had no idea what day it was or what time it was. I looked up and an entire week had gone by and I didn’t even realize it. That was in 2011. Fast forward to 2019 and streaming services have made it easier to sink into the Frasier wormhole and it’s totally possible to watch 22 episodes of anything in one sitting. Yes Netflix, I’m still watching. For Rue, the mere thought of just getting up to use the bathroom was exhausting- during a deep depression, life can seem like one long, sadistic joke. A cycle of the mundane, uninspiring and flat out tiring. Nothing is worth the effort. Not even peeing.
I prefer mania over depression. Rue mulls over her life during a voice over. Truer words have never been spoken by a fictional character. To a “normal” person, staying up for 3 days straight seems like a nightmare. After missing classes for a week, it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel for me. You can ask anyone who deals with this; being manic beats desperation any day. The Euphoria writers also do an excellent job of describing the “wax and wane” of depression. In bad days, I’m hopeful that I’ll be happier some day. On good days, I’m cautious that the sadness will make it’s way back eventually. Again, one long sadistic joke.
The worst thing about being depressed is even though you know you’re depressed, you’re unable to stop yourself from getting worse. Relatable. But there’s always hope, I promise. During the show, Rue eventually can’t take it anymore and is forced to crawl her way to the bathroom. Fight your way out, even if you have to crawl your way out of depression. It’s not easy, but the reward is precious.
If you’re feeling depressed or hopeless, you can text 741741 and a crisis worker will speak with you and give you local resources! xo